Choices

As the American Feminist movement swept through the 60's & 70's, another peculiar type of oppression took hold. Women that wore makeup, were in monogamous relationships with men, that didn't use the word Goddess, that dared to follow any of the traditional female roles were ostracized from the movement. In order to be a feminist you had to walk the walk of freedom as long as you did it exactly as other feminists expected you to. In general, we've moved away from the idea of the ideal feminist, yet in so many ways it clearly still exists. How dare another feminist tell me that my sexuality is irrational because it doesn't look like feminism! This is how my sexuality manifests itself: domination, sadism, all sorts of fetish play.
I attended Bryn Mawr College, perhaps the most liberal of the Seven Sister Schools. We're called feminazis because of our seemingly extremist views on female equality. Instead of a May-pole, we had a may-hole around which we danced; a giant bust of Athena (the school's Goddess) perched outside the main library; each dorm had co-ed bathroom, but it had to be voted on and unanimous agreement was needed. And this college also had a porn-zine called "snatch" and 2 Bryn Mawr students, lesbian lovers made a remarkable pornographic BDSM film called "Doing it for Daddy." If you haven't seen it, try to find it ... it's amazing! Porn has forever been the one of the enemies of feminism yet there it was.
To me feminism is ultimately about choice; having the freedom to make them and the awareness to choose your right path. I could make the choice to suppress my "sick" desires in order to fit in and agree with my feminists sisters, but isn't that what we're fighting against? Isn't this just another form of oppression? Am I to be cast aside with the lipstick lesbians & happy homemakers of the 1970's?

A glossary of terms

In order to minimize confusion and make sure we're all on the same page, I've done a up a brief glossary of terms I'll be using in this blog... I know, it's not completely filled out but I wanted to get it up here. In writing this I realized just how many words we throw around that actually have difficult or varying definitions. I've tried to stay away from 'gender-based' definitions, but geez is that hard! And I need help with some of these, especially defining a submissive versus a slave & defining transgender & transsexual.

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Adult baby: (abbreviated as AB) An adult that wants to be regressed into a child-like state (not be confused with pedophilia); ages vary
Androgynous: A person that is visually a mix of female and male without being either
Asexual:
BDSM: Stands for bondage, domination, sadism, masochism
Bears: (usually) dominant hairy, large framed gay male
Bisexual: a person attracted to all genders (abbreviated as 'bi')
Boi: A submissive or slave butch lesbian or gay man
Bondage: restricting movement with chains, ropes, shackles, etc
Boy: A submissive or slave male
Brat: A submissive person that “asks for it” through bratty, cheeky behavior
Butch: A person that acts/dresses in a rough or stereotypically macho or masculine manner
Chameleon sexual: A submissive person whose sexuality is dependent on their Owner
Collar: The equivalent of a wedding ring in BDSM culture; symbolizes Ownership and commitment
Cubs: a submissive gay male, usually a sub to bears
Cuckold: A person that enjoys or desires their partner to be with others in a way that humiliates them, e.g. helping the partner prepare to met the other person. abbreviated as a "cuck"
Daddy: A dominant man that acts in a fatherly & protective manner towards his submissive
Dom: Pronounced dom (like tomcat): noun- a male dominant; verb- to dominate, e.g. They want to dom him.
Dominant: Describes either a dominant person or personality
Dominatrix: a dominant woman
Domme: Pronounced just like dom: noun – a dominant woman
Drag: Dressing in the stereotypical clothing of the opposite gender
Drag King: A lesbian that dresses and often performs dressed in male drag
Drag Queen: A gay man that dresses and often performs in female drag
Dyke Daddy: A butch dominant lesbian that acts as a Daddy
Female: A person born with a vulva
Femme: A person that acts/dresses in a stereotypically feminine manner
Feminization: the act of making a man into a woman: this can be "forced" feminization or voluntary
Furries:
Girl: A submissive or slave woman
Gurl: A submissive or slave femme or feminized male
Heterosexual: Person or relationship involving a person/people of the opposite gender
Homosexual: Person or relationship involving a person/people of the same gender
Inter-sexual: A person born with both either primary or secondary female & male sexual characteristics
Limit: Something that one will not do
Leather Daddy: a dominant gay man, specifically into the leather aspects of BDSM
Male: A person born with a penis
Man: A male person that identifies as a male (not necessarily born with a penis) and lives their life in that way
Masochist: A person that receives emotional or sexual satisfaction from receiving pain
Master: a dominant man
Mistress: a dominant woman
Mommy: a dominant woman that treat their submissive/slave in a motherly fashion; often involved with adult babies
Monogamous: Describes a person or relationship with just 2 people involved
Owner: dominant woman or man that actively has submissives/slaves
Painslut: a submissive or slave person that believes that pain should be a part of a BDSM relationship and craves it
Pansexual: Describes a person or relationship that is not limited to considering the other person's gender
Pet: A submissive where the emphasis is on being a submissive companion rather than focusing on service or sexual/pain play
Polyamorous: A person or relationship that is open to more than 2 people
Sadist: A person that receives sexual and/or emotional satisfaction from another’s pain
Scat: Feces (usually, human feces)
Sissy: A feminized submissive or slave male
Slave: Extremely submissive person; has few or no limits and is willing to be 'broken' by the Mistress/Master/Owner
Submissive: Describes either a submissive person or personality (sub, subbie)
Swinging: activity that describes couples/groups that engage in casual sexual activity with others - not to be confused with polyamory
Switch: A person that is both dominant & submissive depending on their mood and/or
partner(s)
Transgender:
Transsexual: a person that wishes to live life as the opposite gender and usually takes steps to do so
Transvestite: (also, male crossdresser) - a male that dresses in stereotypically female clothing, often for sexual satisfaction; is not necessarily gay
Vanilla: describes person or lifestyle that doesn't involve BDSM
Watersports: sexual play with urine (usually human)
Woman: a person that identifies as a female and chooses to live their life as a female (not necessarily born with a vulva)

My very first blog entry

First of all, I am not a 'blogger.' The idea of sharing intimate details of my life in such a forum is strange to me. However, after a recent comment made to me by someone I respect, admire and look to as a mentor just blew my mind. I chose to discuss my BDSM life with a 'vanilla' person and was told that my sexuality was "not rational." Further, that as a feminist & a Black woman, how could I 'own' a submissive or slave? How could I have a submissive that acted in the manner of a stereotypical submissive 1950's housewife? I was angry, confused and disappointed.
Her: Nobody should be in the position of a submissive housewife!
Me: He enjoys the role, he likes it...
Her: That argument has been used in all sorts of oppression throughout history ... as a feminist, I want everyone to be equal.
How can feminism as a whole be opposed to BDSM? Why is that the further I am from reproductive sexual acts, the more I am asked to & expected to justify my desires? Isn't that what feminism is all about? Ensuring that each woman has a choice in what she does. Am I not a feminist because I am a lifestyle Domme? Am I taking part in an oppressive act?
Webster's Dictionary defines feminism as: noun - 1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. 2. The movement organized around this belief.
Neither of these definitions say anything directly, nor do they infer anything about BDSM.
In this blog, I will be discussing my views on BDSM, human sexuality, human equality & feminism. I'm not presenting myself as an expert on any of these topics; feel free to ask questions, disagree and make comments. And please, please take part in the polls.